For the record, everything that has happened to me and around me since 1989 or so has been of my own choosing. I take personal responsibility for where I am now. There was a time, and maybe thats still now, that I worried endlessly about who I was and how Id be perceived. I still get that twinge in my stomach when I see or hear from someone in my past.
MAB is right to say when you move on, so do others. Maybe that quote from MBL was right after all. I dont lament the past or wonder what could have been. I made some crappy choices and here I am. I wouldnt change them, as I think Ive learned more from fucking up than I would have if everything was smooth sailing.
I will simply counter the MAB statement with this. Before I left, dropped off the face of the Earth, vanished from society, moved off the grid - whatever youll call it --- the other person did it first. If not, at least I got the distinct message to move on from them first. Dont misunderstand the point I am trying to make. It can be easier to just disappear than have to sit through the hard truth that things youve done suck or have disappointed others. The disappearance admits that disappointment.
There are just a few folks out there that I do miss. Missing them doesnt change the present. I asked a very certain friends what was better - the cold hard truth or a really good lie. I know Im too afraid of the truth to ask.
Let it be said I know my failings. Constructive critism is appreciated and welcome. Beating a dead horse however, is not.
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