Quantifying When

In the past, but not too recently, I used to ask people close to me why they loved me. Usually I asked this to very close friends. The only reason I asked them is because, even now, I can pinpoint the exact reason (there are about a dozen or so) why I love the people I do. I haven't had much success in getting other people to tell me what I did that was so awesome to bring them into perpetual orbit in my life.

Im still haunted by the actions Ive had in my life in the past four years and the post BML has on his page. I have made it my life's work to keep people around when I turn around, it has worked out that I ran them all away. Some of them needed to go - and I needed to go too.

Let me say this. If you are with people you care about, and you start to feel uncomfortable around them because of what they do - as habit - get new friends. I dont mean like out of your comfort zone learning uncomfortable. Im talking making you feel either like a) their kid, b) the awkward bystander in their needless arguments, or c) question why you are they way you are rather than just accepting you for your goods and bads.

As I said before, I know Ive fucked up before - shit we all have. Take it or leave it I say. If I need to get left, so be it. Just like something ABS said the other day, "After making do with what I had over the past year, I can make it on anything."

Thanks a lot for all the following and reading. I have enjoyed hearing from all of you. Thanks for reading my drama and taking it in stride. If you see your initials here, dont fret. I love you too.