For years, I have been trying to understand a statement someone I look up to said to me 25 odd years ago. "Dave, man, you just try too hard". When it comes to friends, I just want to be included - in the conversations others have, in the plans others make, in the day-to-day mundane things we all do. Showing up is not all you have to do for that to happen. I tried that route, and ended up at my house on Saturday nights watching Doctor Who reruns and eating Pizza Rolls.
So, I joined a fraternity. That worked out well for a while, but even there I just didn't fit in. Oh, I enjoyed my time and met a lot of fantastic people, but I still had that feeling I had to try. Even now, as 40 is knocking on my door, I find that I just can't seem to be me without worrying about who I will irritate or what wrong thing I might say.
Yes, sometimes I get rudely honest and just want to be left alone. I think I am a good friend though. I try to give unedited, truthful advice. I stand by people when most others judge and take sides in a conflict. Just seems like friendship should be organic and happen without having to try.
Maybe Dan was right - when I try to make something happen artifically that should happen naturally, failure is destined to occur. Maybe I should stop trying altogether and see what happens. Whatever the outcome, it can't be worse than Doctor Who and pizza rolls.
...or can it?
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