Yes, Ive been gone too long. I have, however, figured out a couple things. First of all, that two or three year period when people move away from everyone to "find themselves" --- well, I used to rain on that parade. Alas, I was mistaken. Time like that is sometimes critical to understanding yourself.
Tonight, its raining - for the first time in a couple weeks. I sit here thinking, reading back over some of the blogs Ive written, that I have said some crazy shit - focused some interesting ideas - blathered on and on about personal nonsense - but that is what blogs are for (at least for those of us not super-interesting).
That's not really the crux of things tho. I am a frightened person. I suppose I have been for a very long time...for as long as I can remember. Fear can drive many engines - including those which are destructive, paralyzing, upsetting, and horrifying. Fear is illogical - as Spock says - but still, I remain frightened.
At some point, soon - I will find a way to move away from this fear and find what I was meant to do.
I have many failings as a person - some blatant, some hidden. At the core - I remain the same person Ive been - a need to feel useful, a need to be indispensable to someone, forgiveness when I fuck up, support when its earned, and for the love of Mary - a little bit of slack. My friendships aren't business/professional arrangements.
Should you want me around, cut me some slack...you know I'd do the same (and most likely have done the same whether you realize it or not) for you.
All that being said -- Bruce and Christy and Philip and Amber - - - - - - Ill be indebted to you for a very long time. I am going to work on the things I need to fix and I know youll be there.
If you happen to be reading this because you follow this blog, Ill try to write more. Its about to be the rainy season again.
I should have been a meteorologist, shouldn't I? I am going to have to fix that...
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