I have talked to PD, Amber, Brian, Keith, Caprice, and Steve. Holy shit. I need to drink more often!
I have seen the ENTIRE range of emotion from open weeping to anger to laughing out loud. The afternoon draws to a close and the experiment was a success. Deep down, I had really hoped to talk to the best parts of myself. I did! Someone up there is looking after me for sure.
Nonetheless, I am still sitting here by myself in the garage waiting for the rain to start again. What happens now? What the hell am I supposed to do after all this revelation?
I am but a single person among the seven billion on this Earth to draw breath. Do my needs outweigh any others? No. Absolutely not. There are so many starving and without any help whatsoever. Those people need more help than I would ever need.
The silence sets in tho - no wind - no rain - just quiet contemplation.
There is expectation of more rain later - and with it - the hope of yet a new beginning.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
The OC - this post is for one person...
You know who you are... ( pick it up at 7:37 if you want to move past the lead to)
and holy crap - who knew a case of beer would solve two years of worry, pain, and uncertainty?
I still think of this EVERY time it rains - - - - and I wonder if I made the right choice?
Was it even my choice to make?
According to you, I did the right thing.
Only time will tell.
Remember Laura - - - - Who knows what the future will bring? Even now - - - - a new future could emerge...
I will wait and see...
and holy crap - who knew a case of beer would solve two years of worry, pain, and uncertainty?
I still think of this EVERY time it rains - - - - and I wonder if I made the right choice?
Was it even my choice to make?
According to you, I did the right thing.
Only time will tell.
Remember Laura - - - - Who knows what the future will bring? Even now - - - - a new future could emerge...
I will wait and see...
One More Mr. Humphries post
So Im sitting here watching it rain, and Im watching 'Are You Being Served?' excerpts. Nothing makes me laugh like Mr. Humphries and I have no idea why. The 70's/80's humor - BRITISH humor at that - is canned and campy. John Waters would have a field day. John Inman, the incredible actor who portrayed him for so many years, said that there was no talk of Mr. Humphries being camp at all.
What is camp anyway? Im sure the gentle readers who follow this stream of thought haven't the faintest idea. According to Wikipedia, my favorite reference, states...
"Camp is an aesthetic sensibility wherein something is appealing because of its bad taste and ironic value. The concept is closely related to kitsch, and things with camp appeal are described as being "campy" or "cheesy". When the usage appeared, in 1909, it denoted: ostentatious, exaggerated, affected, theatrical, and effeminate behaviour, and, by the middle of the 1970s, the definition comprised: banality, artifice, mediocrity, and ostentation so extreme as to have perversely sophisticated appeal.[1]"
I LOVE CAMPY!! If I'm Mr. Humphries - then I am the true personification of camp. Hell, you people know me...am I?
What is camp anyway? Im sure the gentle readers who follow this stream of thought haven't the faintest idea. According to Wikipedia, my favorite reference, states...
"Camp is an aesthetic sensibility wherein something is appealing because of its bad taste and ironic value. The concept is closely related to kitsch, and things with camp appeal are described as being "campy" or "cheesy". When the usage appeared, in 1909, it denoted: ostentatious, exaggerated, affected, theatrical, and effeminate behaviour, and, by the middle of the 1970s, the definition comprised: banality, artifice, mediocrity, and ostentation so extreme as to have perversely sophisticated appeal.[1]"
I LOVE CAMPY!! If I'm Mr. Humphries - then I am the true personification of camp. Hell, you people know me...am I?
This is only a test - but for real
I've decided on this rainy (yay me!) Saturday, I am going to try an experiment. I have a 12 pack of Busch Ice in the fridge and I am going to post this (sober) and then in about five hours, I am going to post again - with those 12 cans empty inside me.
I hope to prove that my posts are either better sober or better drunk. You be the judge - beer # 2 is going in now. No lunch.
...let the games begin.
I hope to prove that my posts are either better sober or better drunk. You be the judge - beer # 2 is going in now. No lunch.
...let the games begin.
The And Credit
Just about every television show or movie has a certain kind of opening credits. There is ALWAYS the "Starring" credit. That's someone who completely moves the story along and without them - nothing worth watching happens. Sometimes there are two or three actors who 'star' in the show. Then, another favorite, comes the "Also Starring". I envision those folks as comic relief, dramatic support, or happy role that accompanies the star. They're quirky, naive, and occasionally hate-able.
The third credit that should be included in this post is the "With" credit. This person can be absolutely anyone from cameo appearance of a former star to just a person who comes on screen a couple of times but has some influence on the piece. This isnt always the case. Babylon 5 regular Peter Jurasik (as G'Kar) had the aforementioned credit and his character was central to just about every episode.
Now, the crux of the post, the all-famous and fun "And" quote. My two favorites are "And Martin Sheen" from The West Wing and "And Judi Dench" as the kickass M from the new James Bond movies.
The And credit is awarded to that actor who, when they come onto the scene, captures all the action, suspense, and nuance from any the other players. Think about it - how many 'and' actors you really enjoy?
Ive asked a ton of people which credit they want. As for me, I want...
"And Dave Whitaker as the Chancellor Emeritus" Damn, I really love the way that looks.
The third credit that should be included in this post is the "With" credit. This person can be absolutely anyone from cameo appearance of a former star to just a person who comes on screen a couple of times but has some influence on the piece. This isnt always the case. Babylon 5 regular Peter Jurasik (as G'Kar) had the aforementioned credit and his character was central to just about every episode.
Now, the crux of the post, the all-famous and fun "And" quote. My two favorites are "And Martin Sheen" from The West Wing and "And Judi Dench" as the kickass M from the new James Bond movies.
The And credit is awarded to that actor who, when they come onto the scene, captures all the action, suspense, and nuance from any the other players. Think about it - how many 'and' actors you really enjoy?
Ive asked a ton of people which credit they want. As for me, I want...
"And Dave Whitaker as the Chancellor Emeritus" Damn, I really love the way that looks.
Friday, July 30, 2010
The Mysterium Tremendum - A Memoir Version
The post you (may) have been waiting for. Some material comes from the work "The Idea of the Holy".
According to Otto, the numinous experience has two aspects: mysterium tremendum, which is the tendency to invoke fear and trembling; and mysterium fascinans, the tendency to attract, fascinate and compel.
A few years back I was helping someone with a philosophy paper. While reading the background material, I came across an interesting passage I have fixated on ever since.
I have had this conversation with a select few of you. I have been in search of the perfect moment for a very long time. Ive actually experienced a version of it - a couple times. Once on the banks of the Tuckaseegee River in East LaPorte, North Carolina and once in the college town of Murray, Kentucky. ((This line of thought will contradict later sentences - just go with it.))
A philosopher believes that man (and woman) moves through life looking for the perfect moment. This moment transcends every other moment in their respective lives. The moment evokes a true surreal experience and fills the soul with a true and absolute serenity. This philosopher believes that man (or woman) lives the rest of their lives trying to recreate this moment. It is incredibly rare to experience it again - the intensity of the emotion - because, as he puts it, its not like the first time.
I have posted earlier this week about not being able to go home again. I have dreamed about this moment. Ive written short stories about it. I know one of the people who keeps showing up in that dream. I can picture the moment with stark clarity. Having actually experiences two versions of it - I can completely relate to this philosophy. I have spent a very long time and expended a great deal of personal, spiritual, and emotional capital to get back to that place. Just like the Nexus in Star Trek Generations, unfortunately is its not something you can reach without destroying the things youre traveling in at the time.
After I read that passage in the philosophy outside the old Helder Hall (which is no more - having been replaced last year), I came away with the thought that you just cant get back to the moment that made you feel most alive. Sure, there are other moments and new people who bring you hysterically close to it. In the end, the moment just isnt the same.
Should you simply live in the memories as you age and relish them as treasured moments OR should you try to create your own future moments that COULD exceed the ones you had before?
"Stars were falling deep in the darkness
as prayers rose softly, petals at dawn
And as I listened, your voice seemed so clear
so calmly you were calling your god
Somewhere the sun rose, o'er dunes in the desert
such was the stillness, I ne'er felt before
Was this the question, pulling, pulling, pulling you
in your heart, in your soul, did you find rest there?
Elsewhere a snowfall, the first in the winter
covered the ground as the bells filled the air
You in your robes sang, calling, calling, calling him
in your heart, in your soul, did you find peace there?"
Even when the moment is over, living inside that setting can truly bring you peace. I know all of you have had the same experience as me, whether you have given it a moment's thought or not. When you close your eyes tonight - picture it and relish it and claim that perfect moment for your own.
According to Otto, the numinous experience has two aspects: mysterium tremendum, which is the tendency to invoke fear and trembling; and mysterium fascinans, the tendency to attract, fascinate and compel.
A few years back I was helping someone with a philosophy paper. While reading the background material, I came across an interesting passage I have fixated on ever since.
I have had this conversation with a select few of you. I have been in search of the perfect moment for a very long time. Ive actually experienced a version of it - a couple times. Once on the banks of the Tuckaseegee River in East LaPorte, North Carolina and once in the college town of Murray, Kentucky. ((This line of thought will contradict later sentences - just go with it.))
A philosopher believes that man (and woman) moves through life looking for the perfect moment. This moment transcends every other moment in their respective lives. The moment evokes a true surreal experience and fills the soul with a true and absolute serenity. This philosopher believes that man (or woman) lives the rest of their lives trying to recreate this moment. It is incredibly rare to experience it again - the intensity of the emotion - because, as he puts it, its not like the first time.
I have posted earlier this week about not being able to go home again. I have dreamed about this moment. Ive written short stories about it. I know one of the people who keeps showing up in that dream. I can picture the moment with stark clarity. Having actually experiences two versions of it - I can completely relate to this philosophy. I have spent a very long time and expended a great deal of personal, spiritual, and emotional capital to get back to that place. Just like the Nexus in Star Trek Generations, unfortunately is its not something you can reach without destroying the things youre traveling in at the time.
After I read that passage in the philosophy outside the old Helder Hall (which is no more - having been replaced last year), I came away with the thought that you just cant get back to the moment that made you feel most alive. Sure, there are other moments and new people who bring you hysterically close to it. In the end, the moment just isnt the same.
Should you simply live in the memories as you age and relish them as treasured moments OR should you try to create your own future moments that COULD exceed the ones you had before?
"Stars were falling deep in the darkness
as prayers rose softly, petals at dawn
And as I listened, your voice seemed so clear
so calmly you were calling your god
Somewhere the sun rose, o'er dunes in the desert
such was the stillness, I ne'er felt before
Was this the question, pulling, pulling, pulling you
in your heart, in your soul, did you find rest there?
Elsewhere a snowfall, the first in the winter
covered the ground as the bells filled the air
You in your robes sang, calling, calling, calling him
in your heart, in your soul, did you find peace there?"
Even when the moment is over, living inside that setting can truly bring you peace. I know all of you have had the same experience as me, whether you have given it a moment's thought or not. When you close your eyes tonight - picture it and relish it and claim that perfect moment for your own.
Truth is subjective
I wasnt acutely aware of it until just now, but it seems like all truth is subjective. What I mean to say is that no matter what evidence is given in a particular argument, the truth of is subject to belief or disbelief based solely on the perception of the individual viewing that proof. Im pretty sure lawyers and students of law know this already. Perhaps thats why the instruction is beyond a shadow of doubt or just the "just more likely than not" standard Dean McHargue taught us in Hearing Board.
No matter - the only thing I got out of last nights post is a headache and feeling like my own truth and activities and actions dont matter to anyone but me. Feels like no matter any circumstance - whether it be educational background, club participation, leadership opportunities - if someone tells you that experience is meaningless - it is - at least to them. The only reason the participation matters is if it helps you deal with the world around you.
I feel like all the things Ive done since 1997 have given me a set of tools to deal with the world. Granted, I freak out a lot and curl up in a ball because I get incredibly frightened at things. Nonetheless, I know I have acquired a number of skills that allow me to understand why things work or at least be able to show proof as to why.
I operated on the premise that it mattered what I could prove. Apparently, that premise is flawed. It only matters what I feel. Proof seems to be irrelevant. Only passion in argument matters. Yes, I am drawing an extreme parallel here. At the moment though, that is my truth.
The truth that if you believe someone else is better than you, they are. And if you dont, then they dont. If the proof is in the pudding, that pudding tastes like crap and has been out on the counter too long.
No matter - the only thing I got out of last nights post is a headache and feeling like my own truth and activities and actions dont matter to anyone but me. Feels like no matter any circumstance - whether it be educational background, club participation, leadership opportunities - if someone tells you that experience is meaningless - it is - at least to them. The only reason the participation matters is if it helps you deal with the world around you.
I feel like all the things Ive done since 1997 have given me a set of tools to deal with the world. Granted, I freak out a lot and curl up in a ball because I get incredibly frightened at things. Nonetheless, I know I have acquired a number of skills that allow me to understand why things work or at least be able to show proof as to why.
I operated on the premise that it mattered what I could prove. Apparently, that premise is flawed. It only matters what I feel. Proof seems to be irrelevant. Only passion in argument matters. Yes, I am drawing an extreme parallel here. At the moment though, that is my truth.
The truth that if you believe someone else is better than you, they are. And if you dont, then they dont. If the proof is in the pudding, that pudding tastes like crap and has been out on the counter too long.
Just curious and I do need some feedback here
At first, I was going to ask whether or not I was a total asshole to people. Do I really come across as a know-it-all? I like being a good reference for people. One of the things I have prided myself on is being an almanac of information. Apparently, that comes across as being a smart ass uppity brain - especially to the people who are in closest proximity to me.
I have recently been called more of a follower than a leader. I have had leadership positions before. I enjoyed those experiences - I thought they made me a better person. Certainly, I have failed and succeeded - as I though most leaders did. I thought I even had a leadership style I could define and explain. My own self-image just seems to be totally incorrect.
After having this explained to me by someone who has known me since Reagan's second term, Ive got some things to say.
First, I am apologetic to anyone who I have offended by being a know-it-all douchebag. I also apologize for being difficult, dramatic, mean spirited, and harsh. The adjective that's been applied most recently is "snippy". (In itself meaning - a chip on my shoulder, attitude, angry, disgusted, etc.)
Second, I can't believe what a completely boorish dolt I have been the past fifteen years. Now, its been explained to me that people cant tell me the truth about me because it will hurt my feelings. Since that's already happened, please dont hold back now. If I am an irritant, tell me. I don't need to be saved from myself. I want to be a better person. I thought most people did.
Third, in the future, if you need to tell me something that I should improve, go ahead and just say it. It will save us both a great deal of frustration afterwards. I am not hostile as I see the situation so the worst that will happen is for me to yell and perhaps cry a little. If you dont have the balls to stand that, then we probably shouldnt be friends in the first place.
When I get comfortable, Ive been told, I get more apt to just say what Im thinking. I hold back and put a happy face on when Im in public - being more socially acceptable; Dr. Bardo would call that the "socially acceptable answer." No one wants to hear about your crappy day when they ask, "How are you today" in the grocery store line. I thought I was as apt to tell someone to go fuck themselves as I would be that they were a nice person.
Your thoughts here, as the genteel reader of this rambling, would be appreciated if your schedules would permit.
I have recently been called more of a follower than a leader. I have had leadership positions before. I enjoyed those experiences - I thought they made me a better person. Certainly, I have failed and succeeded - as I though most leaders did. I thought I even had a leadership style I could define and explain. My own self-image just seems to be totally incorrect.
After having this explained to me by someone who has known me since Reagan's second term, Ive got some things to say.
First, I am apologetic to anyone who I have offended by being a know-it-all douchebag. I also apologize for being difficult, dramatic, mean spirited, and harsh. The adjective that's been applied most recently is "snippy". (In itself meaning - a chip on my shoulder, attitude, angry, disgusted, etc.)
Second, I can't believe what a completely boorish dolt I have been the past fifteen years. Now, its been explained to me that people cant tell me the truth about me because it will hurt my feelings. Since that's already happened, please dont hold back now. If I am an irritant, tell me. I don't need to be saved from myself. I want to be a better person. I thought most people did.
Third, in the future, if you need to tell me something that I should improve, go ahead and just say it. It will save us both a great deal of frustration afterwards. I am not hostile as I see the situation so the worst that will happen is for me to yell and perhaps cry a little. If you dont have the balls to stand that, then we probably shouldnt be friends in the first place.
When I get comfortable, Ive been told, I get more apt to just say what Im thinking. I hold back and put a happy face on when Im in public - being more socially acceptable; Dr. Bardo would call that the "socially acceptable answer." No one wants to hear about your crappy day when they ask, "How are you today" in the grocery store line. I thought I was as apt to tell someone to go fuck themselves as I would be that they were a nice person.
Your thoughts here, as the genteel reader of this rambling, would be appreciated if your schedules would permit.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
I swore I'd NEVER fly into ATL
during the summer again. I DETEST turbulence more than potato salad and an old boss of mine asking for eclectic and difficult things. I flew out of there one summer afternoon and that ascent to ten thousand feet had more bumps than a sixteen year olds face. For the love of Frances, I absolutely HATE flying into that place when its hot out.
I am considering taking a trip to ATL to visit Sam and Kim before October. I have enough Sky Miles to get down there and back for five bucks! So - now - we wait for SOMEONE to decide when her schedule permits a visit.
'
Moving back to an earlier post, I suppose it is possible for people to change. Not inherently, but "time and knowledge" may just alter your perception. For example, if you DIDNT drink in college, but DO now, it could be because of many different reasons. I used to hate coffee but now I love it. I guess you have to develop a taste for that sort of thing. Just like drinking or relaxing a little - you have to slide into it.
Im glad someone I know has lightened up - and I cant wait to get a nice case of Bud Light and talk about old times.
...as long as there is NO turbulence. Otherwise, Ill be drunk when I get there.
I am considering taking a trip to ATL to visit Sam and Kim before October. I have enough Sky Miles to get down there and back for five bucks! So - now - we wait for SOMEONE to decide when her schedule permits a visit.
'
Moving back to an earlier post, I suppose it is possible for people to change. Not inherently, but "time and knowledge" may just alter your perception. For example, if you DIDNT drink in college, but DO now, it could be because of many different reasons. I used to hate coffee but now I love it. I guess you have to develop a taste for that sort of thing. Just like drinking or relaxing a little - you have to slide into it.
Im glad someone I know has lightened up - and I cant wait to get a nice case of Bud Light and talk about old times.
...as long as there is NO turbulence. Otherwise, Ill be drunk when I get there.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Whats better - whiskey drunk or beer drunk?
After some considerable thought - I've decided that I prefer beer drunk to any other drunk Ive had. Tequila drunk makes me VERY hot...like sweating in flip flops in December in the mountains. Vodka drunk is too hangover inducing. Whiskey drunk - well - that in itself causes a great many problems. I have enjoyed the Very Old Barton on occasion - and the Black label Jack Daniels...and the Knob Creek.
When weighed against each other, the beer drunk just feels more appropriate for me. It takes about 5 hours to get nice and tip-of-the-nose-numb drunk. There is nothing more enjoyable than having that feeling of comfortably numbness creeping across your extremities. Not all at once mind you, as whiskey or something as strong or stronger may cause - - but gradually. The journey is half the fun.
Mundane items become laughable or at least bearable. Laughable items become even more enjoyable - but the trick to the whole task is to be gradual...and drink a little water in the end. Oh yes, I also load up with a multivitamin when I begin and just before bed. Seems to work pretty well - in my case anyway.
Beer drunk is the verdict. Bud Light - between 14 and 24 - will do the trick every time.
Thanks for the Angels to Airwaves, Cox. Very nice.
When weighed against each other, the beer drunk just feels more appropriate for me. It takes about 5 hours to get nice and tip-of-the-nose-numb drunk. There is nothing more enjoyable than having that feeling of comfortably numbness creeping across your extremities. Not all at once mind you, as whiskey or something as strong or stronger may cause - - but gradually. The journey is half the fun.
Mundane items become laughable or at least bearable. Laughable items become even more enjoyable - but the trick to the whole task is to be gradual...and drink a little water in the end. Oh yes, I also load up with a multivitamin when I begin and just before bed. Seems to work pretty well - in my case anyway.
Beer drunk is the verdict. Bud Light - between 14 and 24 - will do the trick every time.
Thanks for the Angels to Airwaves, Cox. Very nice.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Alternate Realities
Every reality than can happen has happened. At least thats what quantum theorists say. I completely agree with that. I shudder to think what "other" Dave has gotten himself into, out of, involved in, and/or involved with. After the past couple days of finding people I havent seen in a long time, Im beginning to think that I may have dropped into one of those alternate realities.
I realize that I have said that the universe unfolds as it should, and indeed it has been my experience that it does. Of course in an alternate universe, maybe things dont really unfold as they should. Maybe there is a Murphy's Law Universe where you are just screwed from birth and things only go your way rarely. That would suck more than the universe we have now.
It was good to hear from the people I did today. Still working on "The Loremaster" title and boy, is it a bitch. Ill leave with a couple shoutouts to readers...
Caprice - you know, my first car was a Caprice Classic. Just like you --- timeless and classic.
Avola - Sorry the weather control units are down for repair. Good luck with golf.
Regenthals - Cant wait to see you.
Ashley/Drew - Hope you are having a good week. Thanks for not being mad about last weekend.
I hope in this universe those people read this. Of course, they already have / haven't / never met me / are sitting here as I write this.
Man, quantum mechanics can get in the way of things.
I realize that I have said that the universe unfolds as it should, and indeed it has been my experience that it does. Of course in an alternate universe, maybe things dont really unfold as they should. Maybe there is a Murphy's Law Universe where you are just screwed from birth and things only go your way rarely. That would suck more than the universe we have now.
It was good to hear from the people I did today. Still working on "The Loremaster" title and boy, is it a bitch. Ill leave with a couple shoutouts to readers...
Caprice - you know, my first car was a Caprice Classic. Just like you --- timeless and classic.
Avola - Sorry the weather control units are down for repair. Good luck with golf.
Regenthals - Cant wait to see you.
Ashley/Drew - Hope you are having a good week. Thanks for not being mad about last weekend.
I hope in this universe those people read this. Of course, they already have / haven't / never met me / are sitting here as I write this.
Man, quantum mechanics can get in the way of things.
Here it comes again
Ah, twice in twelve hours. Man, I must be living right. I talked to Sam last night and I might have a trip to Atlanta in the works. To use (or perhaps overuse) the phrase of late "Wouldn't that be somethin'?"
I also had an enlightened moment last night talking to my old friend. Even though it can sometimes be many months between the times we talk, seems like the foundation of our friendship is as strong as ever. Im very glad some things dont change.
And now that Im not waiting on the rain anymore, or at least for today, I am going to enjoy it. I hope wherever you are, you enjoy yours too.
I also had an enlightened moment last night talking to my old friend. Even though it can sometimes be many months between the times we talk, seems like the foundation of our friendship is as strong as ever. Im very glad some things dont change.
And now that Im not waiting on the rain anymore, or at least for today, I am going to enjoy it. I hope wherever you are, you enjoy yours too.
Special Weather Statement
SPECIAL WEATHER STATEMENT
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE RALEIGH NC
213 PM EDT TUE JUL 27 2010
NCZ021-022-038-039-271915-
DAVIDSON-FORSYTH-GUILFORD-RANDOLPH-
213 PM EDT TUE JUL 27 2010
...STRONG THUNDERSTORMS WILL MOVE ACROSS PARTS OF FORSYTH...
GUILFORD...DAVIDSON AND RANDOLPH COUNTIES THROUGH 315 PM EDT...
AT 213 PM EDT...DOPPLER RADAR INDICATED STRONG THUNDERSTORMS OVER
KERNERSVILLE...OR ABOUT 8 MILES EAST OF WINSTON-SALEM...MOVING EAST
AT 15 MPH.
LOCATIONS IN THE PATH OF THESE STORMS INCLUDE KERNERSVILLE...
COLFAX...JAMESTOWN...GREENSBORO.
HAZARDS INCLUDE...
PEA SIZE HAIL.
GUSTY WINDS OF 30 TO 40 MPH.
Dont give up JUST yet
And someone is going outside to watch... The universe unfolds as it should..
AND Star Trek V is on HDNet. It really is the little things...
AND Star Trek V is on HDNet. It really is the little things...
Special Weather Statement
SPECIAL WEATHER STATEMENT
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE RALEIGH NC
1149 PM EDT MON JUL 26 2010
NCZ021-022-038-039-270500-
DAVIDSON-FORSYTH-GUILFORD-RANDOLPH-
1149 PM EDT MON JUL 26 2010
...STRONG THUNDERSTORMS MOVING INTO THE PIEDMONT TRIAD REGION...
AT 1146 PM EDT...DOPPLER RADAR INDICATED STRONG THUNDERSTORMS
EXTENDING FROM EAST BEND TO HIGH ROCK LAKE MOVING NORTHEAST AT 15
MPH. THESE STORMS EXTEND THE LENGTH OF THE YADKIN RIVER FROM YADKIN
COUNTY SOUTH THROUGH THE HIGH ROCK LAKE AREA OF DAVIDSON COUNTY.
THEY WILL BE MOVING ACROSS THE YADKIN RIVER AND INTO THE
LEXINGTON... ARCADIA... WELCOME... THOMASVILLE... CLEMMONS AND
WINSTON-SALEM AREAS BETWEEN 1150 PM AND 1215 AM... THEN REACH THE
HIGH POINT AND PTI AIRPORT... AND KERNERSVILLE AREAS BETWEEN 1215 AM
AND 1245 AM.
HAZARDS INCLUDE...
PEA TO PENNY SIZED HAIL.
HAZARDS INCLUDE...
GUSTY WINDS OF 40 TO 50 MPH.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Wouldn't that be somethin'?
I wish I knew that things were going to work out well in the end. I already know the universe unfolds as it should - whether that be in your favor or against it. I'm looking for more of an 'in my favor' ruling than just accepting that things are what they are (and as Harry Swaim says "things aint what they aint)
Thunderstorms tonight - at least thats what the forecast calls for. I think I may wait up and see and hope the medicine doesnt take me to sleep first.
Looks hit and miss on the radar...a striking parallel to the way things go in life.
The best laid plans of mice and men...eh?
Thus says Bruce Boxleitner in the Tron Legacy trailer - at about 0:58 in - and that look on his face...just hoping things would work out...that he would get to see his long lost friend...
Wouldn't that be somethin'?
Thunderstorms tonight - at least thats what the forecast calls for. I think I may wait up and see and hope the medicine doesnt take me to sleep first.
Looks hit and miss on the radar...a striking parallel to the way things go in life.
The best laid plans of mice and men...eh?
Thus says Bruce Boxleitner in the Tron Legacy trailer - at about 0:58 in - and that look on his face...just hoping things would work out...that he would get to see his long lost friend...
Wouldn't that be somethin'?
A Thousand Words Worth - in movie and song
As I build up to the post on the mysterious tremendium, I thought Id take the opportunity to reveal the movies, scenes, or endings that push me right over the emotional edge. Usually, if I need to get in that emotional place to write, and the current state of mood in which I find myself doesn't lend itself to it - these scenes - and their total combination of music, image, and structure - take me there very time. (linkable movie clips are below - just the good parts)
The last 2 minutes of The Shawshank Redemption
The last 8 minutes of The Green Mile
The last 2 minutes of How To Make an American Quilt
The these scenes from The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King and this one
This clip from Steel Magnolias - starting at 7:47 (especially the hug at 8:55)
and this - the clip that sent me to look for my ole pal Steve Mitchell - Start it at 8:00
Music? Let me post my "Life CD" - twenty-two songs to make you think of Dave Whitaker
Ok - its pretty out there and some of the songs are VERY old and cheezy, but they have some sort of sentimental meaning...Ive actually linked most of them so you can see the youtube videos and get a better picture of my tastes (or lack thereof) in music.
...and now you know.
The last 2 minutes of The Shawshank Redemption
The last 8 minutes of The Green Mile
The last 2 minutes of How To Make an American Quilt
The these scenes from The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King and this one
This clip from Steel Magnolias - starting at 7:47 (especially the hug at 8:55)
and this - the clip that sent me to look for my ole pal Steve Mitchell - Start it at 8:00
Music? Let me post my "Life CD" - twenty-two songs to make you think of Dave Whitaker
- Enya - Last Time by Moonlight
- ATB - Here With Me
- Keane - Everybody's Changing
- Schiller - Schiller
- Vertical Horizon - You Say
- Siouxie and the Banshees - The Ghost In You
- October Project - Return To Me
- Enigma - The Cross of Changes
- Gomez - How We Operate
- Band of Horses - No One's Gonna Love You More
- Enya - Caribbean Blue
- Erasure - Phantom Bride
- 4 Strings - Let it Rain
- Madonna - Take a Bow
- Imogen Heap - Hide and Seek
- David Wilcox - Language of the Heart
- Conjure One - Center of the Sun
- A-ha - The Sun Always Shines on TV
- Alanis Morissette - Everything
- Andy Williams - Moon River
- Stabilizers - Tyranny
- Lindsay Buckingham - Go Insane
Ok - its pretty out there and some of the songs are VERY old and cheezy, but they have some sort of sentimental meaning...Ive actually linked most of them so you can see the youtube videos and get a better picture of my tastes (or lack thereof) in music.
...and now you know.
Guess someone wanted to disagree
"Grandma, what if all the good times are already behind me?" - Pugsley Addams
That's life kid. You lose the things you love." - Grandma Addams
Come on, people. Really? I absolutely refuse to believe this kind of nihilist philosophy. Its just insane. There must be some chance for the redemption of things lost. Even Milton wrote Paradise Regained...and while titles dont always tell the whole story - I think he means for us (as people) to focus on the chance to make everything better again.
Now, I will go so far as to say, like trips to Narnia, revisitations of the past happen differently every time. I have this sneaking suspicion that karma is trying to tell me my recent re-discovery of someone isn't going to be what I expect.
Ah, to hell with it. I'm still going to hope for a little redemption in the face of being a huge spazz fuckup.
Looks like a good chance of a storm today. Keep your eyes (and your heart) looking up even though it may not work out.
Yes, Caprice. I still agree with what you said. I cant help it.
That's life kid. You lose the things you love." - Grandma Addams
Come on, people. Really? I absolutely refuse to believe this kind of nihilist philosophy. Its just insane. There must be some chance for the redemption of things lost. Even Milton wrote Paradise Regained...and while titles dont always tell the whole story - I think he means for us (as people) to focus on the chance to make everything better again.
Now, I will go so far as to say, like trips to Narnia, revisitations of the past happen differently every time. I have this sneaking suspicion that karma is trying to tell me my recent re-discovery of someone isn't going to be what I expect.
Ah, to hell with it. I'm still going to hope for a little redemption in the face of being a huge spazz fuckup.
Looks like a good chance of a storm today. Keep your eyes (and your heart) looking up even though it may not work out.
Yes, Caprice. I still agree with what you said. I cant help it.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Agree to disagree
"Never long for anyone from your past, there is a reason why they never made it to your future."
Someone I admire posted this as a favorite quote. I can see where this quote would make sense. However in light of recent events, I cannot embrace this whatsoever. There may be good reason a person is no longer in your "immediate now" that have no negative connotations at all. I long for quite a few people from my past.
I wish I could keep them all close, the good ones I mean. Certainly, I will heed the underlying meaning about not lamenting the fact that my path has taken me where I am - and that path had led away from some people that I very much loved - and still love. For instance, there is a perfectly delightful spot in western Kentucky I SHOULD have moved to so I wouldn't be just a piece of someone's past.
Keeping your eyes toward the future allows for personal growth. Stunting that growth by wishing for things that cannot BE any longer can be horrible. That feeling of something missing can hold you back. I get it.
BUT...
I can't subscribe to the opinion that leaving old friendships behind simply because they were in the past as a valid one.
You can agree to disagree, as I've said, but I am not changing my mind.
Besides, I found someone from the past recently and it gives me hope - that there can always be new beginnings - even for people like me.
Someone I admire posted this as a favorite quote. I can see where this quote would make sense. However in light of recent events, I cannot embrace this whatsoever. There may be good reason a person is no longer in your "immediate now" that have no negative connotations at all. I long for quite a few people from my past.
I wish I could keep them all close, the good ones I mean. Certainly, I will heed the underlying meaning about not lamenting the fact that my path has taken me where I am - and that path had led away from some people that I very much loved - and still love. For instance, there is a perfectly delightful spot in western Kentucky I SHOULD have moved to so I wouldn't be just a piece of someone's past.
Keeping your eyes toward the future allows for personal growth. Stunting that growth by wishing for things that cannot BE any longer can be horrible. That feeling of something missing can hold you back. I get it.
BUT...
I can't subscribe to the opinion that leaving old friendships behind simply because they were in the past as a valid one.
You can agree to disagree, as I've said, but I am not changing my mind.
Besides, I found someone from the past recently and it gives me hope - that there can always be new beginnings - even for people like me.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
It's Saturday Night!
I've been looking around on Facebook and it seems as though most people are just going to party and have a great time tonight. I can't say that I blame them. I played WoW today, had a good dinner, and now just watching TV. Nothing terribly excited though, but it seems like everyone else I know is having enough fun for most of us.
Glad to hear from Laura today. She is still as amazing as she was eleven years ago. Thanks again for everyone reading this. Tomorrow, a dialogue on the mysterium tremendum.
Too bad about Tropical Storm Bonnie. She sputtered out before making landfall. Perhaps the remnants will show up here in a couple days. This summer heat - let me tell you - is almost unbearable. Makes me miss the winter snow this past January.
Glad to hear from Laura today. She is still as amazing as she was eleven years ago. Thanks again for everyone reading this. Tomorrow, a dialogue on the mysterium tremendum.
Too bad about Tropical Storm Bonnie. She sputtered out before making landfall. Perhaps the remnants will show up here in a couple days. This summer heat - let me tell you - is almost unbearable. Makes me miss the winter snow this past January.
The Book about the Pink Dragon
Following up on the last post, this book is about a pink dinosaur who dreams big. He longs for exploring beyond his home. When he finally gets the chance to leave his small bay, exciting adventures ensue. Of course, he realizes that once he leaves - all he wants is to return home. Serendipity, after all, is the state of having what you needed all along right in front of you.
Bullet points? Yeah, here they are.
- Having a thing is not so pleasing a thing as wanting. It isn't logical, but it is ALMOST always true.
- Knowing who you really are will bring you happiness. (its in the picture above)
- Like I said last night, the only person who HAS to like you - is you.
Finishing up this day
I was watching the latest episode of Eureka tonight, and I was moved by the last scene. The long and short of the scene is that one of the main characters broke off a relationship with another one. Carter (the character mentioned) had been dating Erika for a long time. To keep the sci-fi at a minimum here, I will just say that the two of them were star-crossed.
In the end, Carter just said "You can't always be the good guy." Breaking Erika's heart wasn't easy, but Carter knew that the best thing that could happen was to let go. Erika's parting words were "I love you." She was visibly devastated but time heals all wounds. Well, maybe not heal them but make them less tender to the touch. After a while, whatever hurt you had fades to the point that the memory doesn't evoke anything - just a remembrance of a moment best forgotten.
In my case, letting go is one of the things I do badly. I feel like if I let go of someone, I will miss the opportunity to be an excellent friend. Life's Little Instruction Book states, "Be open and accessible. The next person you meet could become your new best friend." To that end, I rarely turn away from anyone - whether I should or not.
After releasing so many things this week, I have to say that I do feel better. Liberated. Less anchored in expectation and more excited to see what reveals itself. At this point, everyone who remains around to read this is someone that makes me feel good about me for no other reason than just enjoying my company.
If anyone ever tells you (in response to the question 'are you coming over?'), "Well, I ain't coming up there for nothin'", its probably best to just move on; even if it really makes a part of you feel empty.
Time heals all wounds, or at least over time you forget what you were missing. Who knows, maybe something better will come along that I didn't know about before. I sure hope so, because that was one person who knew me better than most.
In the end, Carter just said "You can't always be the good guy." Breaking Erika's heart wasn't easy, but Carter knew that the best thing that could happen was to let go. Erika's parting words were "I love you." She was visibly devastated but time heals all wounds. Well, maybe not heal them but make them less tender to the touch. After a while, whatever hurt you had fades to the point that the memory doesn't evoke anything - just a remembrance of a moment best forgotten.
In my case, letting go is one of the things I do badly. I feel like if I let go of someone, I will miss the opportunity to be an excellent friend. Life's Little Instruction Book states, "Be open and accessible. The next person you meet could become your new best friend." To that end, I rarely turn away from anyone - whether I should or not.
After releasing so many things this week, I have to say that I do feel better. Liberated. Less anchored in expectation and more excited to see what reveals itself. At this point, everyone who remains around to read this is someone that makes me feel good about me for no other reason than just enjoying my company.
If anyone ever tells you (in response to the question 'are you coming over?'), "Well, I ain't coming up there for nothin'", its probably best to just move on; even if it really makes a part of you feel empty.
Time heals all wounds, or at least over time you forget what you were missing. Who knows, maybe something better will come along that I didn't know about before. I sure hope so, because that was one person who knew me better than most.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Constant is as constant does
Even though today is not the day to be writing something for everyone to read, I think that unless I write every day, even when I don't feel like it, I will just stop. That would be worse than writing something terrible.
I appreciate the fact that there are people who are interested in my thoughts. Thanks for reading what I have written. There is a nice feeling of validity when someone likes (or even reads) the insane mumblings that race through my mind.
Today, I can relay a couple things.
1) I detest panic. It makes my stomach leap around and my teeth hurt. Not hurt so much as feeling like someone is pulling my mouth away from where I am sitting. Strange? Yeah, but its me - so consider the source.
2) I eat too much. I am cutting back. I don't want to feel hungry. I have to not be a fat ass anymore. Maybe not washboard, but no more keg. I am really tired of the fat jokes.
3) I didn't go to my sister's today because I am too much up in arms about the craziness that is bouncing around my noggin. I know she and my brother-in-law were expecting me. My apologies. Next weekend, its a go.
4) I am growing a beard. Never had one before, but I've been letting it grow a bit and decided Ill see if I can get used to it. I MIGHT even post a pic of it before the weekend is over.
Icecrown Citadel 10 man tonight - in about an hour. Tacos for dinner. No rain (not even the stray shower from last night) for the next few days.
I think most of all I'll miss Zac.
I appreciate the fact that there are people who are interested in my thoughts. Thanks for reading what I have written. There is a nice feeling of validity when someone likes (or even reads) the insane mumblings that race through my mind.
Today, I can relay a couple things.
1) I detest panic. It makes my stomach leap around and my teeth hurt. Not hurt so much as feeling like someone is pulling my mouth away from where I am sitting. Strange? Yeah, but its me - so consider the source.
2) I eat too much. I am cutting back. I don't want to feel hungry. I have to not be a fat ass anymore. Maybe not washboard, but no more keg. I am really tired of the fat jokes.
3) I didn't go to my sister's today because I am too much up in arms about the craziness that is bouncing around my noggin. I know she and my brother-in-law were expecting me. My apologies. Next weekend, its a go.
4) I am growing a beard. Never had one before, but I've been letting it grow a bit and decided Ill see if I can get used to it. I MIGHT even post a pic of it before the weekend is over.
Icecrown Citadel 10 man tonight - in about an hour. Tacos for dinner. No rain (not even the stray shower from last night) for the next few days.
I think most of all I'll miss Zac.
The Uncertainty Principle
Its an accepted axiom in quantum mechanics that you can never really have all the information there is to have. What I mean to say is - you can tell where you are but not how fast you are going OR you can tell how fast you are going but not where you are precicely.
The only reason I mention this is to cast an ever present reminder about giving up before the figurative fat lady does her business.
That one lone rain cell that was about an hour away on my last post has meandered into Forsyth County. The radar echo doesn't show rain anywhere else but here.
AND YET - the rain I was expecting (having moved onto the back porch) has begun to slide north. There is more behind it - but I have this sneaking suspicion that will pass by us as well.
The moral? Well, I suppose it is two fold.
1) Expectation will drive people to do crazy, unexpected things. Getting me out of bed at 1240 in the morning because I think its going to rain for instance. That is expectation of the uncertain beyond definition.
2) If I go inside now, as sure as I live and breathe, it will start raining. So much for all those people who talk about self-sabotage.
Uncertainty rules - whether trying to describe the movement of quantum neutrinos or whether or not I should go back into the air conditioned house and miss what rain may come.
Wondering if it started raining yet? For the sake of the post, I think I will leave you wondering too.
Ain't that just par for the course?
The only reason I mention this is to cast an ever present reminder about giving up before the figurative fat lady does her business.
That one lone rain cell that was about an hour away on my last post has meandered into Forsyth County. The radar echo doesn't show rain anywhere else but here.
AND YET - the rain I was expecting (having moved onto the back porch) has begun to slide north. There is more behind it - but I have this sneaking suspicion that will pass by us as well.
The moral? Well, I suppose it is two fold.
1) Expectation will drive people to do crazy, unexpected things. Getting me out of bed at 1240 in the morning because I think its going to rain for instance. That is expectation of the uncertain beyond definition.
2) If I go inside now, as sure as I live and breathe, it will start raining. So much for all those people who talk about self-sabotage.
Uncertainty rules - whether trying to describe the movement of quantum neutrinos or whether or not I should go back into the air conditioned house and miss what rain may come.
Wondering if it started raining yet? For the sake of the post, I think I will leave you wondering too.
Ain't that just par for the course?
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Wilburforce Clayborne Humphries
(Click the picture for the video)
I have loved 'Are You Being Served?" for many years. I think that this character embodies me. He is funny, smart, good-hearted, and as ambiguous as the day is long.
No, this is not an affirmation or a denial - - just food for thought.
When people think of me, I hope someone like this comes to mind.
A treatise on being weird
Man, I am one weird guy. This does not come as a surprise to many people who have known me for more than a couple minutes. My housemate tells me the first thing people say when they meet me is "Is he gay?" Beyond that perception, I like really off the wall science fiction, role playing games, British comedy, classic pre-1960 movies, cooking shows, and travelling.
I am pretty damn weird.
It takes a lot to get this strange. Believe me, it has come through years of practice to hone this craft into the scientific skill I have made it into today. Just like being fat, I work at it every chance I get. I have always respected people who wore Chuck Taylors, had blue hair, wrote poetry, listened to strange music, and revelled in their ability to be totally different from everyone else.
I can't pull off Chucks very well. Blue hair would make me look fatter. Poetry seems so contrived when I wrote it. Just about the only thing I do here is listen to strange music. From Schiller (German techno) to Enya to Seal to Band of Horses - - Im out there in that regard.
Weird isn't a state of mind though, at least not in my estimation. Weird is just having a different take on whatever particular Einstein-an reference frame in which you exist. To be sincerely weird, you require a like for the things that fall beyond the realm of non sequitor. Liking rain over sunny days, eating raw brownie mix and watching Season Two of 'The West Wing' instead of watching the football draft, grinding Consortium rep in WoW rather than drinking beer with your friends on the local lake are just a few examples of just how removed from the mainstream I happen to be.
All that being said, I asked someone once "How come you (fill in your name here) accept me for all the strange shit I do?" For most of my good friends, they only have one 'Dave'. The response floored me. "Because you are Dave."
Yep - I sure am. Dave Whitaker, Mayor of Weird.
Thank you for visiting my state of mind. Come again.
I am pretty damn weird.
It takes a lot to get this strange. Believe me, it has come through years of practice to hone this craft into the scientific skill I have made it into today. Just like being fat, I work at it every chance I get. I have always respected people who wore Chuck Taylors, had blue hair, wrote poetry, listened to strange music, and revelled in their ability to be totally different from everyone else.
I can't pull off Chucks very well. Blue hair would make me look fatter. Poetry seems so contrived when I wrote it. Just about the only thing I do here is listen to strange music. From Schiller (German techno) to Enya to Seal to Band of Horses - - Im out there in that regard.
Weird isn't a state of mind though, at least not in my estimation. Weird is just having a different take on whatever particular Einstein-an reference frame in which you exist. To be sincerely weird, you require a like for the things that fall beyond the realm of non sequitor. Liking rain over sunny days, eating raw brownie mix and watching Season Two of 'The West Wing' instead of watching the football draft, grinding Consortium rep in WoW rather than drinking beer with your friends on the local lake are just a few examples of just how removed from the mainstream I happen to be.
All that being said, I asked someone once "How come you (fill in your name here) accept me for all the strange shit I do?" For most of my good friends, they only have one 'Dave'. The response floored me. "Because you are Dave."
Yep - I sure am. Dave Whitaker, Mayor of Weird.
Thank you for visiting my state of mind. Come again.
Where does being pissed off come from?
After an afternoon of flat affect, I realized that I was just flat out angry. Most unusual for me, I was unable to actually pin point the sources of this irritation. Most times, it comes from something my house mate says or being flabbergasted that so many people update the universe on the CONSTANT comings and goings in their lives. Seriously, aside from the President and maybe a couple great minds on the planet, no one is so important that the multitudes need to be updated about your Farm, Mafia, Frontierville, or poker hand.
Digression aside, I think that for today at least, I was angry because I was (and still am) anxious. Recently, I had a series of panic moments that I hadn't had in many years. When compared to the problems of the world, I realize that I have nothing to be anxious about. I am in relatively good health (aside from the fat and high blood pressure), I have a place to live, food to eat, a comfortable environment, and people who care about my well-being.
Still, this anxious "holy shit, the world is coming to an end and I am about to die RIGHT NOW" feeling creeps around in the back of my head every day. I usually descend down into World of Warcraft and find tasks so involved that I can shove the fright to the doldrums of my head. Today, I was successful.
The question still remains. Where DOES being pissed off come from? I've come to three conclusions.
1) There are certain people, places, and circumstances I miss. I know all things change, but I still miss them (all the things above). You can't go home again, but you CAN long for an easier time. Bemister/Ladd/Farmer/Dills/Chontos/Slike/Ramey/Cox ~ (or BLFDCSRC for short) - - - all mixed together with some Elizabeth Shelly and Aunt Ilynn - THAT makes everything better again.
2) I could do so much more with my life if I wasn't always worried. I worry WAY too much and drugs and therapy don't help.
3) Laura Alexander said once "Who knows what the future will hold?". Ive used that quote about a million times since she said it. It's the promise that things will get better that keeps me around for the next day. Mark Abshire - this one is for you.
Wherever your pissed off comes from, it could be worse. Laura was right - tomorrow will be better if you just remember the last item from tonight's rant.
The only person you need to have like you ...
... is you.
The lone cell in eastern Yadkin county is ambling along so slowly it won't make it this far. At least someone is enjoying an evening sprinkle.
Digression aside, I think that for today at least, I was angry because I was (and still am) anxious. Recently, I had a series of panic moments that I hadn't had in many years. When compared to the problems of the world, I realize that I have nothing to be anxious about. I am in relatively good health (aside from the fat and high blood pressure), I have a place to live, food to eat, a comfortable environment, and people who care about my well-being.
Still, this anxious "holy shit, the world is coming to an end and I am about to die RIGHT NOW" feeling creeps around in the back of my head every day. I usually descend down into World of Warcraft and find tasks so involved that I can shove the fright to the doldrums of my head. Today, I was successful.
The question still remains. Where DOES being pissed off come from? I've come to three conclusions.
1) There are certain people, places, and circumstances I miss. I know all things change, but I still miss them (all the things above). You can't go home again, but you CAN long for an easier time. Bemister/Ladd/Farmer/Dills/Chontos/Slike/Ramey/Cox ~ (or BLFDCSRC for short) - - - all mixed together with some Elizabeth Shelly and Aunt Ilynn - THAT makes everything better again.
2) I could do so much more with my life if I wasn't always worried. I worry WAY too much and drugs and therapy don't help.
3) Laura Alexander said once "Who knows what the future will hold?". Ive used that quote about a million times since she said it. It's the promise that things will get better that keeps me around for the next day. Mark Abshire - this one is for you.
Wherever your pissed off comes from, it could be worse. Laura was right - tomorrow will be better if you just remember the last item from tonight's rant.
The only person you need to have like you ...
... is you.
The lone cell in eastern Yadkin county is ambling along so slowly it won't make it this far. At least someone is enjoying an evening sprinkle.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
The Story of How I Ended up at WCU - Part One
It's a story a couple of people know. Seeing as though I found the one person truly responsible - even if he didn't know it - on Facebook today after literally ten years of looking - I feel inspired to reveal the real reason I ended up at Western Carolina University.
Back in the very early 1990's, I met a man named Steve Mitchell. I never met anyone quite like him - then or since. He was (and still is as far as I know) deeply intellectual, liked death metal, and had a real protective nature. I enjoyed that friendship and hate that I let it go like I did. At any rate - lets fast forward to 1995. My cousin Andy and his wife and I went to see a movie called The Cure.
I won't reveal the ending but needless to say, I was reduced to tears. For about three weeks, I couldn't even think about the final 20 minutes without weeping like I had lost someone dear. The weekend after I saw this movie, I kept thinking about the person who looked like the main character of the film. I decided - sight unseen - that I would drive directly to where I thought this person would be.
I got a map, got in the car, and drove to Cullowhee, for the first time. When I got there - Steve had gone home (literally 5 minutes from my home) and I had driven three hours to find an empty room - but met some other people who continue the story.
The crux of the story is this. Unless I had known Steve and really looked up to him, I would have never gone to Western, met Laurel Risher (now Bozeman), and determined my future would lie there.
I wanted everyone to know that all the things, people, experiences, travels, nicknames, and brotherhood I found at WCU was thanks to one person.
Steve - this post is for you.
Back in the very early 1990's, I met a man named Steve Mitchell. I never met anyone quite like him - then or since. He was (and still is as far as I know) deeply intellectual, liked death metal, and had a real protective nature. I enjoyed that friendship and hate that I let it go like I did. At any rate - lets fast forward to 1995. My cousin Andy and his wife and I went to see a movie called The Cure.
I won't reveal the ending but needless to say, I was reduced to tears. For about three weeks, I couldn't even think about the final 20 minutes without weeping like I had lost someone dear. The weekend after I saw this movie, I kept thinking about the person who looked like the main character of the film. I decided - sight unseen - that I would drive directly to where I thought this person would be.
I got a map, got in the car, and drove to Cullowhee, for the first time. When I got there - Steve had gone home (literally 5 minutes from my home) and I had driven three hours to find an empty room - but met some other people who continue the story.
The crux of the story is this. Unless I had known Steve and really looked up to him, I would have never gone to Western, met Laurel Risher (now Bozeman), and determined my future would lie there.
I wanted everyone to know that all the things, people, experiences, travels, nicknames, and brotherhood I found at WCU was thanks to one person.
Steve - this post is for you.
Not that I'm a John Mayer fan
...but there is a lyric in the song "Clarity" that seems to be rebounding around in my head. "But this morning, there's a calm I can't explain, the rock candy's melted, only diamonds now remain". Hm - calm I can't explain.
After the really strange (for me) cleansing of the Facebook last night, I went to sleep without as much consternation that I had the day before and it almost freaked me out. I haven't been this calm in a terribly long time and I hadn't even taken any medicine for the day.
I have pondered this odd occurrence today and I cannot for the life of me understand it. Oh, there have been a couple random, stray, and inspired thoughts passing through the old noodle throughout the day. None of them seem even remotely possible.
Even sitting here getting all this out, I keep thinking that maybe the act of pushing out all of the unnecessary people away and just focusing on the things that made me happy did the trick. Maybe doing that was the same as cleaning out the fridge. You know - after a while it gets that strange odor that you cant pinpoint but seems ubiquitous. Instead of looking for the source, you just clean the whole damn thing. When the task is complete, the smell disappears as mysteriously as it arrived.
I can say this. Knowing that I would only have to read through the things on Facebook that I was genuinely interested in seeing made the experience more enjoyable.
I should have done this a long time ago.
On the up side, there looks like a lone thunderstorm cell in western Forsyth County...looks pretty lame on the echo - and out the computer room window - the anvil appears even more distant. Still, I've been surprised more than once today.
Oh yes - one last note. About four years ago, I told someone (and he knows who he is) to be patient. Good things come to those who wait, I said. I was right and it made me feel great knowing that I can still appreciate the honest nature of good friends. The people who accept you for who you are and not for what you are expect to be are the ones you want around forever. You can get fooled sometimes, but in the end, the greatest souls find their way back to you - sometimes when you need them most of all.
...and sometimes just to enjoy the view, take a cool sip of beer, and appreciate the calm.
...regardless of where it came from.
After the really strange (for me) cleansing of the Facebook last night, I went to sleep without as much consternation that I had the day before and it almost freaked me out. I haven't been this calm in a terribly long time and I hadn't even taken any medicine for the day.
I have pondered this odd occurrence today and I cannot for the life of me understand it. Oh, there have been a couple random, stray, and inspired thoughts passing through the old noodle throughout the day. None of them seem even remotely possible.
Even sitting here getting all this out, I keep thinking that maybe the act of pushing out all of the unnecessary people away and just focusing on the things that made me happy did the trick. Maybe doing that was the same as cleaning out the fridge. You know - after a while it gets that strange odor that you cant pinpoint but seems ubiquitous. Instead of looking for the source, you just clean the whole damn thing. When the task is complete, the smell disappears as mysteriously as it arrived.
I can say this. Knowing that I would only have to read through the things on Facebook that I was genuinely interested in seeing made the experience more enjoyable.
I should have done this a long time ago.
On the up side, there looks like a lone thunderstorm cell in western Forsyth County...looks pretty lame on the echo - and out the computer room window - the anvil appears even more distant. Still, I've been surprised more than once today.
Oh yes - one last note. About four years ago, I told someone (and he knows who he is) to be patient. Good things come to those who wait, I said. I was right and it made me feel great knowing that I can still appreciate the honest nature of good friends. The people who accept you for who you are and not for what you are expect to be are the ones you want around forever. You can get fooled sometimes, but in the end, the greatest souls find their way back to you - sometimes when you need them most of all.
...and sometimes just to enjoy the view, take a cool sip of beer, and appreciate the calm.
...regardless of where it came from.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Facebook friends...
OK - earlier - in a moment of disgust - I 'cleaned' my friends list of people that I knew but with who I am not necessarily friends. I went from like 776 down to just over 500. I had no idea that I had just added people for the novelty of adding them. Nonetheless, after six passes through the entire list, I am certain that the people that remain are either a) my friends, b) people I miss, c) people from high school that I am interested in keeping in touch with or d) have added something significant to my life.
I encourage everyone to get rid of the unnecessary baggage that people post every day and just keep up with those folks who make you feel special.
There seems to be a Bond marathon on one of the Dish Network channels we get. Recorded so far; Live and Let Die, Octopussy, and tonight - The Spy Who Loved Me. So Ive got that going for me, which is nice.
Maybe storms tomorrow - maybe not. Either way, at least I have less baggage.
I encourage everyone to get rid of the unnecessary baggage that people post every day and just keep up with those folks who make you feel special.
There seems to be a Bond marathon on one of the Dish Network channels we get. Recorded so far; Live and Let Die, Octopussy, and tonight - The Spy Who Loved Me. So Ive got that going for me, which is nice.
Maybe storms tomorrow - maybe not. Either way, at least I have less baggage.
Ad hominem - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Ad hominem - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia: "Ad hominem"
Yeah, this is EXACTLY what crosses my mind every time I have a conversation with someone about any topic in which I am the minority opinion. 9 times out of 10, the person I normally debate with rolls his eyes and makes an ad hominem remark.
Who knew there was a LONG Wiki post about it?
Validation feels SO good.
Oh yeah, that amazing storm I mentioned? PASSED 10 miles south of here...
...at least it rained for 20 minutes.
Yeah, this is EXACTLY what crosses my mind every time I have a conversation with someone about any topic in which I am the minority opinion. 9 times out of 10, the person I normally debate with rolls his eyes and makes an ad hominem remark.
Who knew there was a LONG Wiki post about it?
Validation feels SO good.
Oh yeah, that amazing storm I mentioned? PASSED 10 miles south of here...
...at least it rained for 20 minutes.
Must be my OCD
OK so now that Ive started writing, Ive made a few decisions.
1) I could care less about punctuation. There are about a billion debates about how as the electronic age takes over communication, proper punctuation has gone the way of the 8-track. This might be so, however I am not going to use apostrophes and Oxford commas when I write.
2) I think I have gotten significantly more cynical as I have gotten older. This is a shame because I used to value my optimism. A thought about the perfect moment would overcome most all of my ill moods and desire for "me time". Now, optimism just makes me roll my eyes and grunt a little.
3) GOod news about the rain I mentioned last post - its almost here. Nice BIG storm and the wind has kicked up to about 15-20 mph gusts.
I wish I knew why but I only seem to be happy when everyone else is as pissed off and angry as I am. That's a fucking shame.
1) I could care less about punctuation. There are about a billion debates about how as the electronic age takes over communication, proper punctuation has gone the way of the 8-track. This might be so, however I am not going to use apostrophes and Oxford commas when I write.
2) I think I have gotten significantly more cynical as I have gotten older. This is a shame because I used to value my optimism. A thought about the perfect moment would overcome most all of my ill moods and desire for "me time". Now, optimism just makes me roll my eyes and grunt a little.
3) GOod news about the rain I mentioned last post - its almost here. Nice BIG storm and the wind has kicked up to about 15-20 mph gusts.
I wish I knew why but I only seem to be happy when everyone else is as pissed off and angry as I am. That's a fucking shame.
In case I didn't mention it
I am very glad to see so many people I went college with getting married, having children, and posting on how excellent things are going for them. I check Facebook pretty often just to see who else has posted something uplifting, inspirational, quietly contemplative, or something about how excited they are about the weekend being just around the corner.
Yes, I am absolutely being sarcastic. If everyone is as happy as they make out to be on Facebook for the world to see, then I am even more screwed up that I thought.
...and thats pretty screwed up indeed.
On the usual tangent, it looks like a fairly nice rain shield the size of Yadkin County is coming this way. Maybe that will make me feel like posting something about how great things are.
Let's not hold our breath.
Yes, I am absolutely being sarcastic. If everyone is as happy as they make out to be on Facebook for the world to see, then I am even more screwed up that I thought.
...and thats pretty screwed up indeed.
On the usual tangent, it looks like a fairly nice rain shield the size of Yadkin County is coming this way. Maybe that will make me feel like posting something about how great things are.
Let's not hold our breath.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Batman The Movie (1966)
I was stunned that Rottentomatoes.com gave this movie 81%! Netflix on demand had it available so my housemate and I watched it. Though INCREDIBLY campy and insane, it is still as entertaining as it was the first time I saw it. Give it a watch if you ever get a chance....BIFF! WHACK! BAM!
...and as an aside, the actor who played Robin was also an amazing figure skater. Holy Bat Skater!
...and as an aside, the actor who played Robin was also an amazing figure skater. Holy Bat Skater!
About the weather...
Whenever you see a 20% chance of rain, you may be thinking something different. It means, according to meteorologists that - 20% of the time, given the conditions at your location, rain can form that day.
I saw 20% come and go today - not a single drop. Here is hoping for tomorrow...
I saw 20% come and go today - not a single drop. Here is hoping for tomorrow...
Bond...James Bond
You know, no matter how many times I see a James Bond movie, my mood is improved after the experience. I recorded 'Live and Let Die' last night and even though this must be my fifteenth time the opening credits have scrolled past, something inside me feels like it is the very first time. I also caught 'Die Another Day' on Saturday. Now, without getting into the 'Who is the best Bond?' debate, I will say that the OLDER the film, the better - at least in my own estimation.
There is a significant difference in the sort of story, style, setting, scheme, and nuance separating those story lines in the 60's and 70's from say Casino Royale (with Daniel Craig - not the amazing creation with David Niven in the early 60's) There are so many more believable twists and turns that were integrated into the storyline, through necessity, back then. I will say thank you to CGI and explosions for removing that from our lexicon.
I still don't think I can walk in a room and say "Whitaker...Dave Whitaker" and get the same dramatic pause an audience would hope for --- or even that I would hope for.
...and my martini would still taste terrible.
There is a significant difference in the sort of story, style, setting, scheme, and nuance separating those story lines in the 60's and 70's from say Casino Royale (with Daniel Craig - not the amazing creation with David Niven in the early 60's) There are so many more believable twists and turns that were integrated into the storyline, through necessity, back then. I will say thank you to CGI and explosions for removing that from our lexicon.
I still don't think I can walk in a room and say "Whitaker...Dave Whitaker" and get the same dramatic pause an audience would hope for --- or even that I would hope for.
...and my martini would still taste terrible.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
I used to hate Sundays
Well, it's Sunday. I heard from the people I wanted to hear from today. All seems to be going pretty well for everyone. I used to hate Sundays though. I remember when I was younger, I would spend every other weekend with my Dad. I had to be home by 8PM. I always had such a great time whenever I stayed at his house. It was like I was part of a whole other life. When I ended up back at my Mom's house, I was just me again. Boring, misunderstood, too smart for my own good, and really weird me - and that sucked.
All the good television I wanted to watch came on when I was in transit from his house to hers - so I never got to see a whole episode of anything decent until I moved in with Dad in the mid 1980's. I didn't fit in well at school. I didn't play sports. I tried tennis in 8th grade, but I was awful because I just didn't know how to play. I guess I'm saying that Sunday was the beginning of the anxiety that Monday brought along.
Since October though, it seems like Monday is not to bad after all. If there is one thing I can say about Monday it is this. When Tuesday comes along, I will still be right here. Stress and anxiety flow and ebb. My worries come and go and come back again. At least here, I was meant to be exactly who I am.
Besides, 'Are You Being Served?' comes on Sunday at 11:59PM. The first thing every Monday sees now is my favorite show about a misunderstood but really funny ambiguously-gay character named Mr. Humphries. Sounds familiar...
All the good television I wanted to watch came on when I was in transit from his house to hers - so I never got to see a whole episode of anything decent until I moved in with Dad in the mid 1980's. I didn't fit in well at school. I didn't play sports. I tried tennis in 8th grade, but I was awful because I just didn't know how to play. I guess I'm saying that Sunday was the beginning of the anxiety that Monday brought along.
Since October though, it seems like Monday is not to bad after all. If there is one thing I can say about Monday it is this. When Tuesday comes along, I will still be right here. Stress and anxiety flow and ebb. My worries come and go and come back again. At least here, I was meant to be exactly who I am.
Besides, 'Are You Being Served?' comes on Sunday at 11:59PM. The first thing every Monday sees now is my favorite show about a misunderstood but really funny ambiguously-gay character named Mr. Humphries. Sounds familiar...
Saturday, July 17, 2010
How do you try too hard?
For years, I have been trying to understand a statement someone I look up to said to me 25 odd years ago. "Dave, man, you just try too hard". When it comes to friends, I just want to be included - in the conversations others have, in the plans others make, in the day-to-day mundane things we all do. Showing up is not all you have to do for that to happen. I tried that route, and ended up at my house on Saturday nights watching Doctor Who reruns and eating Pizza Rolls.
So, I joined a fraternity. That worked out well for a while, but even there I just didn't fit in. Oh, I enjoyed my time and met a lot of fantastic people, but I still had that feeling I had to try. Even now, as 40 is knocking on my door, I find that I just can't seem to be me without worrying about who I will irritate or what wrong thing I might say.
Yes, sometimes I get rudely honest and just want to be left alone. I think I am a good friend though. I try to give unedited, truthful advice. I stand by people when most others judge and take sides in a conflict. Just seems like friendship should be organic and happen without having to try.
Maybe Dan was right - when I try to make something happen artifically that should happen naturally, failure is destined to occur. Maybe I should stop trying altogether and see what happens. Whatever the outcome, it can't be worse than Doctor Who and pizza rolls.
...or can it?
So, I joined a fraternity. That worked out well for a while, but even there I just didn't fit in. Oh, I enjoyed my time and met a lot of fantastic people, but I still had that feeling I had to try. Even now, as 40 is knocking on my door, I find that I just can't seem to be me without worrying about who I will irritate or what wrong thing I might say.
Yes, sometimes I get rudely honest and just want to be left alone. I think I am a good friend though. I try to give unedited, truthful advice. I stand by people when most others judge and take sides in a conflict. Just seems like friendship should be organic and happen without having to try.
Maybe Dan was right - when I try to make something happen artifically that should happen naturally, failure is destined to occur. Maybe I should stop trying altogether and see what happens. Whatever the outcome, it can't be worse than Doctor Who and pizza rolls.
...or can it?
First thoughts
I never really understood why people blogged. Just seemed to me like a one-way window into another's personal thoughts. I decided to blog because no one ever listens - but a great many people read. I know I am one of the faceless hordes of writers out there but if Carrie Bradshaw can post things that are pithy and interesting, then I can too.
A fantastic storm woke me up at 930 this morning. Its pretty rare around these parts to get a morning storm. It was a welcome sight. I love the rain. Mostly because when I was little it meant that we had to play inside. I was terrible at sports or just wasn't interested in them. It was the perfect cover to play with Lego's and imagination and not have to fake some injury.
I get very irritated when people don't listen. I am aware of my shortcomings in the knowledge category. However, there are a couple of subjects in which I am well versed. I enjoy adding to any conversation, but not at the risk of usurping any other view. People who can't a) admit when they are mistaken or b) hold all the answers [or even c) suggest that you think YOU know everything] are incredibly irritating and difficult for me to stomach.
Maybe that is another reason I decided to blog. At least this way, I get to have my say without any commentary or snippy comeback. I have heard that the elderly like to feel as if they still have a purpose in order to keep on living. I have heard that the word elderly comes from a root meaning 'loss'. I think today I definitely feel elderly, but at least it rained a while.
Forecast for the remainder of today calls for scattered thunderstorms. The recent radar loop seems to indicate that storms are coming this way, and I can hear some distant thunder rumbling in the distance. I sure hope the rain makes me feel less elderly and more enlightened.
A fantastic storm woke me up at 930 this morning. Its pretty rare around these parts to get a morning storm. It was a welcome sight. I love the rain. Mostly because when I was little it meant that we had to play inside. I was terrible at sports or just wasn't interested in them. It was the perfect cover to play with Lego's and imagination and not have to fake some injury.
I get very irritated when people don't listen. I am aware of my shortcomings in the knowledge category. However, there are a couple of subjects in which I am well versed. I enjoy adding to any conversation, but not at the risk of usurping any other view. People who can't a) admit when they are mistaken or b) hold all the answers [or even c) suggest that you think YOU know everything] are incredibly irritating and difficult for me to stomach.
Maybe that is another reason I decided to blog. At least this way, I get to have my say without any commentary or snippy comeback. I have heard that the elderly like to feel as if they still have a purpose in order to keep on living. I have heard that the word elderly comes from a root meaning 'loss'. I think today I definitely feel elderly, but at least it rained a while.
Forecast for the remainder of today calls for scattered thunderstorms. The recent radar loop seems to indicate that storms are coming this way, and I can hear some distant thunder rumbling in the distance. I sure hope the rain makes me feel less elderly and more enlightened.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)