Thermodynamics and feeling badly

Ive said it before and Ill say it again. Sometimes, when life goes to shit, Im reminded of the Third law of thermodynamics. Paraphrased it can be summed up by saying "You can't win, you can't break even, and you can't get out of the game."

In this particular case, feeling nostalgic for the past and listening to Imogen Heap, I see a particular photograph of someone from my past and can't help but wonder what if. JBR and ESD have both said to me recently that they wonder what if on occasion. I remember telling them that there is no point in doing that. The universe unfolds as it should. Looking back doesnt do anything at all but bring you to the point of tears and consume your whole self with doubt and sorrow about moments long gone.

I submit to you, whoever you are reading this, it is perfectly acceptable and maybe even encouraged to shed a tear or two about things that might have been. Don't misunderstand me. Gandalf said it best when he reminded Frodo that no one gets to say "I wish _______ had never happened". All we can do is decide (anything) one way or the other and hope that that decision is proper. If its not, well --- in that case.... all you can do is look a photographs and remember, with a happy disposition an easier time.

I could ramble on all day but - I made my choice. I am, for the most part, completely content and well taken care of. I cannot say that I regret where I am now - I certainly do not. RBB, 2 and PGR are amazing friends and keep me very centered - - - more so than in any time in my life. Still, how many of us dont just wonder - the possibilities? Thank goodness that every reality that can happen, has. If you believe in the intricacies of quantum mechanics, you've got that to look toward.

I will make a manifest effort to be happy in my own skin. As it stands now, I certainly am. I worry - like always - but things work out. I am safe, happy, fed, and secure. I can say that I do know who I am and where I belong. That has been a long time coming.

That doesnt mean that I miss the things that could have been. Thermodynamics aside - it would be nice to win. Maybe Im closer to it than I think. Maybe we all are...

...that doesnt mean I dont miss that one rainy night in Kentucky; or that one trip to Waterrock Knob on the foggy night; or the events that made me who I am today.